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January 23rd, 2007

02:51 am - M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. Must Die! (Parts One & Two)
I don't know if this is allowed, but if not please feel free to delete this. I didn't see any rule specifically prohibiting it. All the badfic I've been reading lately has inspired me to write a parody including as many of the usual cliches as I can jam into it. I hope this gives you a giggle. Maybe if I post it on FF.net, it will inform some poor little Suethor how not to write.

Title: M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. Must Die! (parts one & two of four)
Author: pica_scribit
Rating: PG for allusion to sex and some language
Warnings: Chatspeak, anachronism, abusive punctuation, broken dress code, nauseating descriptions, gratuitous misspelling of "Voldemort", painful exposition, excessive magical ability, Sorting Hat's 'Sue song
Word Count: 3671 (so far)
Genre: Crackfic, Fandom parody
Characters: Maggie Lewis (OC), Madeleine Yaxley (OC), Louisa (OC), Marvola Elfynchyld (OC), Hagrid, McGonagall, Remus, Sirius, James, Peter
Pairing(s): Remus/OC, Remus/'Sue OC, Peter/OC
Synopsis: A new girl arrives at Hogwarts. She's perfect. She's beautiful. She has curves in all the right places. Everyone loves her. Everyone except Madeleine and Maggie, that is.
Timeline: 1974
Disclaimer: I am not J. K. Rowling. I own nothing. Don't sue me, please.
Author's Note: Feedback is my drug of choice. Please let me know if this gave you a giggle. As usual, please report any errors or inconsistencies. This story is dedicated to babb_chronicles and all its giggle-inducing, inspirational badfic quotations.

(Perfectly Pointless Prologue) (optional)
Current Location: Lancaster, OH
Current Mood: geekygeeky


May 31st, 2006

03:44 pm - Holy Effing Crap...
I'll admit it, I'm new to LJ, new to this board, and new to the idea that FF.net is crap; I've read more than a few awesome fics there. Now I realize that I was automatically filtering past shite like this li'l gem...

  • Title: Loving you is so hard
  • Author: crazywierdlilfreak
  • Located: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2311828/1/
  • Descrip: "Hi this is my first ever fanfic so I hope you like it! Its about the Maruders and how they fall in love and there lifes at Hogwarts and maybe after Hogwarts. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Many laughs and arguements on the way! :D"

I can only hope and pray that they're joking, but it turns out that there are ten, count 'em, TEN chapters of this thing. I couldn't make it past ch. 1 today, because I made the mistake of reading the reviews. Almost nothing but praise for an 'intristing' story, and the one bit of feedback that actually criticizes is loaded with spelling and punctuation errors.

Here's bits of Chapter 1:
Ok Everyone this is my first fanfic and I hope you all like it! It follows all of the marauders Now that it's spelled right, there's no excuses...and please review after you have read it.

Chapter one DIAGON ALLEY! Far too liberal with the caps lock
Read more...Collapse )
Current Location: Florida
Current Mood: workingworking
Current Music: Nothing

(7 comments | Leave a comment)

May 23rd, 2006

11:42 pm - Murlders? Posoltong? Death Easter? BELLATRICKS?
... Crookshanks, I don't think we're in canon anymore.

My first thought upon reading this fic was LOL ENGRISH. Then I read the author's profile: I am 16 years in liven the mid -west. I love almost any kind of gender from romance to action pack. Harry Potter to CSI. From books to cartoons. I try to keep all the character i write about from comming Mary Su.

That's right, folks, they're American. I weep for my country.

Title: Phoenix ranger
Author's Name: tiggerrule
Location: El Pit
URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2950469/1/
Genre: Drama/unintentional humor
Badfic qualifications: "creative" spelling, grammar from hell, Mary Sueism, hosting it at fanfiction.net.
User's summary: Have you wonder if two out of the four murlders had children. This is a story about how they grow up. HPGW, RW,HG later on around year 4 or 5.POA AU.
Comments: Eh... sorry?

Read more...Collapse )

x-posted to deleterius

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

February 23rd, 2006

04:38 pm - newbie
Title: Ice Cream for Harry
Author's Name: Sasha1215
Location: The hell hole that is fanfiction.net *hides because I have fics there too* XP
Genre: Humor/Parody/Ice Cream *wadefak?*
Badfic Qualifications: OOCness, strange plot, and as I said, hosted in the hell hole (FFN)...
User's Summary: Harry and Voldemort face off for the Last Battle, but with Voldemort's new secret weapon, it may not go exactly as planned.
Comments:  Thank GOD it was only a drabble.

Read more...Collapse )

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

August 27th, 2005

03:46 pm - *weeps for fandom*
Location: The Dark Pit of Eternal Despair
URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2554008/1/
Genre: Er... is "fart" a genre?
Badfic qualifications: Everything. And it's at ff.net.
User's summary: Someone farted in Snape’s class. Who was it? (Here’s a hint- it’s Hermonie!)
Comments: My brain has committed suicide.
A sample of the fic behind a cut: The alleged fic is very short. I snipped only the last couple lines. I'm not going to spork it; I don't even want to touch it.

Read more...Collapse )
Current Mood: horrified for humanity
Current Music: Cubs-Marlins game

(7 comments | Leave a comment)

July 13th, 2005

03:12 am - It's Time For Some More Crap
Title: Ron Harry & The Robe
Author's Name: Trickdaddy
Location: The Hellhole [ff.net, again]
URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2481998/1/
Genre (Drama, angst, humor, fluff, smut, etc.): Humor, but I wasn't laughing.
Badfic qualifications (SPAG, line breaks, lack of canon knowldege, Mary Sueism, Talent Competitions, purple prose, OOCness, bad concepts, hosting it at fanfiction.net, etc.): bad concept, no grammar, seems to lack cannon, [a mall, I say!], in script form, and hosted at ff.net
User's summary: Ron Rippes Hermione's 23,000 doller robr that her mom work hard for and Harry its some how in the middel.
Comments: I'm speechless. I just can't understand what sort of twisted mind thinks that they'd like to write a pointless fic about characters they [probably] hardly know about. This person might have problems with writing, but if you want to attempt to write, write something that isn't stupid, thank you..

The story, or lack thereofCollapse )
Current Mood: artisticwitty and snarky

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

July 8th, 2005

02:58 pm - Oh my god, this is just... *boggles*
Title: The Hogwarts Ho
Author: Pink-puma2
Location: ff.net
URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2474829/1/
Category: Smut
Badfic qualifications: The title, and it only gets worse from there. Features the line "There she took hold of his penis and putted in her mouth." And, oh yeah, it's... Hermione/Voldemort.
User's summary: none
Comments: Nothing's more romantic than watching the sunrise with Voldy. Nope.

Edit: Think I figured out the lj cut, it just didn't work in the preview. D'oh.

Read more...Collapse )
Current Mood: indescribableindescribable

(12 comments | Leave a comment)

July 2nd, 2005

01:07 pm - Yipes
Title WART-HOG MANIC (yes, capslock and all)
Author's Name 1madcat
Location Good ol' ff.net
URL http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2465260/1/
Genre (Drama, angst, humor, fluff, smut, etc.) Um..just plain awfulness? Apparently it's Humor/Action/Adventure.
Badfic qualifications (SPAG, line breaks, lack of canon knowledge, Mary Sueism, Talent Competitions, purple prose, OOCness, bad concepts, hosting it at fanfiction.net, etc.) Inability to spell generally, inability to spell the name of one of the major characters, General hatred of punctuation.
User's summary 'Victor Krum arrives at Hogwarts to teach flying and catches Draco Malfoy performing a vulgar joke on Hermiony and and turns him into an animal gess what! Little do they know that Malfoy has problems of his own which they end up solving.' Says it all really.
Comments I don't think this person would know Harry Potter if he came up and bit him on the nose.
A sample of the fic behind a cut The first chapter, as it's really not that long and there's just too much entertainment to be had. With little inserts from me.Collapse )

Edited to add...Collapse )
Current Mood: amusedamused

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

May 18th, 2005

04:52 pm - I can't think of a subject [blink]
[If you don't know me, it's because I'm new. *shifty*]

Title: Two Wizards and Six Kids
Author's Name: The Dunlevay Triplets
Location: FF.net
URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1921376/1/
Genre: Drama? Humor?
Badfic qualifications: Posted at ff.net, bad AU, and overall stupidity.
User's summary: Lily, James,Remus's wife, and Sirius's wife all killed Remus and Sirius are left with six kids
Comments: Sirius is dressed as a cunt in this for some odd reason. But this is so terrible, I don't even know why it's still posted. Must also mention wonderful use [or non-use] of Latin.

Read more...Collapse )
Current Mood: blahmeow?
Current Music: FF Tactics.

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

March 10th, 2005

09:38 pm - Birth Control and Social Responsibilty In Fic. Specifically, In Bad Fic.
Title: Three of the drabbles are untitled. The fourth is called End of the World
Author's Name: Me, the wonderful anonamod
Location: My journal
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/anonamod/2917.html
Genre: Smut
Badfic qualifications: OOCness, bad concepts, breaking the fourth wall a lot, did I mention OOCness?
User's summary: Utter waste of time
Comments: A/N: I've been thinking a lot about what tomakobriefs had to say, and I've gotta say, those were some very insightful points. Plus, they got me drabbling again! Only in a more socially responsible way. Birth control and social responsibility are SEXY! And cool.
Sample of the fic: Here's the Dobby/Winky ficlet in its entirety. It's not about birth control, though. It's about ... LITTERING! Can you handle it?

Click me!Collapse )
Current Mood: hypergettin down wit my bad self

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

February 1st, 2005

07:05 pm
What are some of your favorite badfic parodies? (crossposted to stop_the_badfic)

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

December 17th, 2004

09:32 am
Title: The Eyes of My Dead Love
Author's Name: Hermione at 24
Location: Seventh Circle of Hell (aka fanfiction.net)
URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2171897/1/
Genre: Tragedy/Romance
Badfic qualifications: Horrible OOCness, stupid idea, poor narrative, purple prose...generally, it's just crap. Really.
User's summary: COMPLETE! Snape is plagued by the hint of a memory long since buried. Can the eyes of a young witch bring the heart of this broken wizard back to the world of the living? Please R&R! Rated for mild language, and character death.
Comments: This was one of the silliest stories I've read in a while. It started off alright, but around the halfway point (or the Obligitory-and-Clichéd Flashback Scene), the author apparently got bored, because any attempt at writing a convincing and justifiable plot goes right out the window. I guess writing a monstrous 1200 words really took it out of her. The ending, intended to be tragic, was melodramatic, trite and very stupid.
I think the biggest problem I have with this story is the inherent shoddiness of it - it's a cheap, quick, very half-assed stab at writing something which really takes a hell of a lot more than 1200 words. Nor does the author appear to be a squeeing 13 year old fangirl, which would be some form of excuse, at least.

The Eyes of My Dead LoveCollapse )
Current Mood: annoyedunimpressed

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

December 11th, 2004

07:32 pm
Title: Across America
Author's Name: A-LiA12
Location: FFN
Genre: Romance/General
Badfic qualifications: lack of canon knowledge, Mary Sueism, OOCness, bad concepts, hosting it at fanfiction.net
User's summary: After a bad divorce with Harry, Hermione is a mess. Her friend Ginny gives her tickets to go on a single's tour bus across America. Hermione's surprized when she finds out who her bus partner is. Will it be love?
Read more...Collapse )
Current Music: I want to break free-Queen

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

November 30th, 2004

05:46 pm
Title: The Third Parent
Author's Name: alley-cat-abra
Location: FictionAlley/DarkArts
URL: http://www.thedarkarts.org/authors/acabra/TPpro.html
Genre: Drama, angst
Badfic qualifications: OOCness, bad concepts, baaaaaaad writing
User's summary: Harry has more than the usual amount of parents, but considering he is dealing with more than the usual amount of emotional pain right now, he really can't care. In between bouts of insanity he's depressed. Can anyone save him?
Comments: It started out.. passable. But then it got worse. It made me go o.O and now I have one eye smaller then the other and I look funny and I'll never get a girlfriend and it's all this fic's fault!!

Harry gets a letter from his... mother?Collapse )

some in-depth characterisation hereCollapse )

and a great chapter ending, tooCollapse )
Current Mood: scaredscared
Current Music: Oasis: Wonderwall

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

October 26th, 2004

12:54 pm
I did a search for Parvati-centric fics on the Pit today.

These two fics were the top results.

Title: The Dating Game
Author's Name: Moony Girl
Genre: Humor
Badfic qualifications: SPAG, OOCness, bad concepts, hosting it at fanfiction.net
User's summary: Hermione, Cho, Parvati, Ginny, and Colin compete for a day out with Harry Potter in a Survivor style show! It's PG cuz it can get a little rude and violent. This is my first fanfic, so don't flame me...please R/R!
Read more...Collapse )

And another one...

Title: The Jerry Springer Show
Author's Name: Morag X. Henegev
Location: FFN
Genre: Humor
Badfic qualifications: OOCness, bad concepts, hosting it at fanfiction.net
User's summary: 4th PART UP! 'When Daughters Get Bad', with Parvati and Padma doing rather unethical job, and Lucius Malfoy as their pimp (with Pimp Cane) r/r
Read more...Collapse )
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: Lady Madonna

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

October 3rd, 2004

04:09 pm
Title: Gossip Girl
Author's Name: Firecracker-starlett
Location: FFN
Badfic qualifications: bad concepts, lack of canon knowledge, potential sueage
User's summary: Welcome to London's upscale side, namely Godric's Hollow, where my friends and I live fabulously, go to school occasionally, and play- constantly. We're rich, beautiful, and perfect. It's a luxe life, but someone's got to live it.
'Chapter' 1Collapse )
Current Mood: crankycranky
Current Music: Cats soundtrack

(Leave a comment)

September 22nd, 2004

07:23 pm
Title: Its better this way
Author's Name: LostEmeraldFire
Location: FFN
Genre: (Drama, angst, humor, fluff, smut, etc.)
Badfic qualifications: Mary Sueism, purple prose, OOCness, bad concepts, wangst)
User's summary: Its a poem about Remus and a nameless love(fangirls just picture yourself!)and how he doesn't want to drag her down with him.
Comments: This one was definitely ripe for the picking.
The wangsty poem in its entiretyCollapse )
Current Mood: blahvaguely headachey
Current Music: Uninvited-Alanis Morissette

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

August 20th, 2004

04:19 pm - Fate
Title: Fate
Author's Name: OMG! U killed Kenny!
URL: Fate
Genre: I suppose Drama
Badfic qualifications: SPAG, Mary Sueism, bad concepts, hosting it at fanfiction.net
User's summary: Hermione and Draco are the Heads. They are the smartest witch and wizard in their year their fate is to be Head boy and Head girl but they just can’t get along. Their first assignment was not to insult each other and only call each other by their first names. Well that didn’t work out... Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Snape have a plan.Will it work out? Will Draco and Hermione find out why they are being TOO nice to eachother? Will friendship blossom or even better romance? And if Romance does blossom will it last? Read and Find out. I TOTALLY SUCK AT SUMMARIES!!!
Comments: Right. Draco and Hermione are worst enemies with the most sexual tension, so naturally they get picked for Head Girl and Head Boy. They must share a common room with bedrooms next to eachother. At the beginning of the story, Ginny tells Hermione Ron loves her, so they kiss and suddenly they are going out. (I was lost too) Then, during a Potions lesson, Snape decides 'he must make Draco sit with Hermione'. There is a lot of Mudblooding going on, and I didn't even finish it.

The angst!Collapse )

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

August 13th, 2004

10:53 am
Don't feel like bothering with the template right now, but this is just plain bad.
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

August 9th, 2004

10:00 am
Title: Fiorenza Malfoy
Author's Name: Clarissa Melissa Granger
Genre: Angst/Action/Adventure
Badfic qualifications: Bad concepts, Mary Sueism
User's summary: Fiorenza Malfoy is a cousin of Draco Malfoy. What would happen when she joined Hogwarts as a transfer student? My First Angst Story!
Read more...Collapse )

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

July 17th, 2004

05:39 pm
Title: Like Duh! I'm the Like Hogwarts Whore!
Author's Name: Nightxfallen
Location: FFN
Genre: Humor/Romance
Badfic qualifications: OOCness
User's summary: Hermione is always clueless, Ron can't recognize his own friend, and Draco is scared of Hermione. What is going on?
Comments: The title caught my attention. And it was as bad as I thought it would be.
Read more...Collapse )
Current Mood: annoyedhoping that this is a parody

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

July 8th, 2004

04:25 pm
This sort of thing is extremely discouraging.

(Crossposted to potterbadfic and fanficrants
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: Dreams-Fleetwood Mac

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

June 27th, 2004

03:50 pm
Heh I'm posting my own story at this site. (If you can call it a story.) How sad is that? So you can see how much I despise it... This must be my worst harry potter fanfic ever. So.. read it and comment :)

Title: Draco's Discovery
Author's name: accio_harry
Location: Livejournal
URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/accio_harry/646.html#cutid1
Genre: Smut
Badfic qualifications: Fast, disjointed, and plain dumb.
User's summary: Draco has always gone after what Harry has. This time it's a girl. What will he discover?
Comments: Well, uh.. this is my own story... So maybe you guys should comment.

( Draco's Dicovery )
Current Mood: dorkydorky

(Leave a comment)

June 25th, 2004

03:51 pm
I'm in a rush and don't have time for a full report, but this caught my eye. It exists on the border between amusing and stupid.
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: Rich Mullins

(Leave a comment)

June 18th, 2004

12:14 pm
Title: Loving Luna

Author's Name: M.Dionysa

Location: fanfiction.net

URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1906234

Genre: Romance

Badfic qualifications: Bad spacing, OOCness, Mary Sues, bad writing, bad characterization (which I guess would normally fall under OOCness, but this girl is trying to portray Luna, who is hard to portray, and is doing it ALL wrong).

User's summary: OMG! Ron and LUna! What could happen? Also, Harry and an OC of my own! Fluffy Crazyness! Look inside! PLZ R&R!

Comments: Ugh. Look at the summary. This fic is horrid. It makes me laugh and wonder how these people can really be serious. This line really got me cracking up. “You know Ron, I heard that the Liverpool Moon Man got married to the Wolf Woman and had that fish baby, maybe it’s something that we should be on the lookout for” “Oh, Luna! You should stop thinking about crazy news stories I love you!” Thats just trying to make Luna weird but doing it all wrong. And its just...stupid.

A sample of the fic behind a cut: Beware of Mary SueCollapse )
Current Mood: sicksick

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

June 16th, 2004

11:03 am - Gag.
Someone take this one out in the backyard and shoot it, please.


The story? "Love For Another"
The offender? littlediva16
The story recieved two reviews, and both of the idiots liked it.

This is just plain miserable. Bloody hell. The pairing in the story is Ginny/Remus. And she has Remus return as the DADA teacher. What a stupid thing to write. A teacher/student relationship, people. Also, why would he be hired again for that position? He left last time because he is a werewolf, and it was explained in the canon that there is quite a bit of hostility toward werewolves. I don't see how she can restore his job if she's going by the canon, unless she explains later that he was cured of his condition. And how corny would that be to write?

That's enough for me to be pissed off though, by the pairing alone.

And then I read it. It goes pretty much downhill from there.

Someone needs to put these people in their places.
Current Mood: nauseatednauseated
Current Music: Mizerable - Gackt

(Leave a comment)

June 14th, 2004

11:17 pm - Worst ever HP fic.
Title: Tears of the Phoenix
Author's Name: phoenixthong
Location: ff.net, where else?
URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=944844&chapter=2
Genre (Drama, angst, humor, fluff, smut, etc.) None.
Badfic qualifications (SPAG, line breaks, lack of canon knowldege, Mary Sueism, Talent Competitions, purple prose, OOCness, bad concepts, hosting it at fanfiction.net, etc.) Just read. Seriously.
User's summary: 2017-the Dark Lord has been vanquished and the wizarding world struggles to feel safe again. From the mists of time comes forth information about a famous trio-info so appalling it could destroy the world. Can they change the past to save the future?

Comments: I do believe it is not possible to beat this abomination.

(From Chapter 2) Harry was on tha potsy and he just ate be3ens in the gr8 hall so it wuz soooo stank! Hermionre wawked in and was liek…harry u r so smelly u gots to stop da farties!@!!!!

Harry sais well u shulda smelld u last night oooo n then he fartsied in hermoines face!!!!!

n then he sayd hey y r u in herre n-ewayz Hermionie?

Hermiony sais bcuz I wants 2 c ur bummy!!

So harry shoed hermioni his bummmy and BAMSMACKA!!!! He wuz preggers wit hurmione n snape’s baby, named it hurapne.

Then sudnly profesor flitwck came 9n. he was all neggie3!!! n nobody new y!!! so den professr mcgonagul came in n sayd albus put on ur clotrhs!!! Profesor flittwik sayd no no no i like 2 b neggie!!!! n den he went poopsy om profesr mcgonnnaguls hed!

Sevrus!!!! Screemed profesr mcgonaggull no poop]pin on me dats gross n now I gots to go call prfesor dumblydoor!!!

Butt profesr flitty ran out ov da common rum!

N he ran right in2 tha gr8 halllllz!!!!

Wen he got their he saw drayco malfoi! N dracoe sayd hot bod tight bod i want ur bod! And BAMSMACKA!!!!!!! He wuz preggers wit sevrus flkitwick n profesr micgonnagull’s baby, named it fligull.

N den 3 peepz dyed n dat wuz the end 4 dat day n hagwurgts!

Thats the whole chapter.

(15 comments | Leave a comment)

May 20th, 2004

09:53 am
Title: I Met Cho
Author's Name: Klaus Baudelaire
Location: FFN
Genre :Romance/Action/Adventure
Badfic qualifications :Gary Stu, poor grammar, hosted at the Pit.
User's summary: This is me, at Hogwarts, i meet Cho Chang, and steal her from Harry! HAHAHA! you know she went with mike corner, WRONG, HAHHAHAHAHAHA!
Comments: Different, sort of-yet annoyingly similar to hundreds of other badfics on the Pit.
From the second chapterCollapse )
Current Mood: weirdweird
Current Music: Fortunate Son-CCR

(8 comments | Leave a comment)

May 4th, 2004

02:18 am
Title: Your Hogwarts
Author's Name: Emeli
Location: Where else? Fanfiction.net
URL: Welcome to hell.
Genre: General.
Badfic qualifications: There is nothing right with it, Marysues, Poor grammar. Just read. And be scared :)
User's summary: YOU-FIC! it´s about you in your fifth year at Hogwarts,fun things will hapen and i´m thinking about bringing Wood back and make it a YouOliver paring

Comments: Awful, just awful.

Click here for the hellCollapse )

(7 comments | Leave a comment)

May 1st, 2004

09:54 am
Title: The Sorceresses Circle: the power within
Author's Name: Samara-Morgan-101
Location: FFN
Genre: Drama/Supernatural
Badfic qualifications:
User's summary: Carlie Black, Jess Mcairn, Nathan Tucker and Lyndsay Gareth are the heirs to the Sorceresses Circle. While 2 are muggles and 2 purebloods, they will created a magic bond older than time itself. PLEASE READ! I REALLY NEED REVIEWERS! FLAMES WELCOME!
Part of chapter 1Collapse )

And when I looked, I found that this one was the second part of a series. *headdesk*
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: Fleetwood Mac

(Leave a comment)

April 27th, 2004

06:04 pm - A real gem.

Title: Harry Potter and the Unknown Book

Author's Name: grey100

Location: FFNet.

URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1837791

Genre: General/Humor, lists grey100. However, the small hope that this is simply an exceedingly convincing parody of badfic is feeble. See sample for details.

Badfic qualifications: Author has evidently never been exposed to proper grammar or spelling. The opening chapter is dreadfully short and lacks line breaks among many other nitpicks, too countless in number to list. Story fails to deliver comprehension to the reader.
Also, excessive use of exclamation points and question marks make characters seem like spazzes.

User's summary: I hope you like it

Comments: I hope it's a joke.

Sample The Whole Fic:

Shullup!!!!!!!Collapse )

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

April 26th, 2004

10:28 am
Title: Hogwarts Karaoke
Author's Name: Goldfish r yummy
Location: FFN
Genre: General
Badfic qualifications: Karaoke and more.
User's summary: Hogwarts has a karaoke night plz. RR

Sample omitted-I couldn't decide between each of the seven awful installments.
Current Mood: sleepysleepy

(Leave a comment)

April 12th, 2004

08:40 pm - !!!
Title Taking the Piss

Author's Name: Lana and Swifty

Location: FFN

URL: here

Genre: Romance/Humor/Smut

Badfic qualifications: Hermione's becomes a slut. Enough said.

User's summary: “I’ve been having dreams about you Hermione, really bad dreams.” “How do you mean?” she asked. “Are you sure you want to comprehend amigo?”

Comments: For some odd reason, I found this fiction quite funny. I'm a sucker for stuff like this. Especially the fact that they place someone who has morals and make her into the school slut.

Draco's dad got implants.Collapse )
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: pretty lush - glassjaw

(6 comments | Leave a comment)

March 14th, 2004

01:01 pm
Title: Dancing Queen
Author's Name: Zusserdiz
Location: FFN
Genre: Romance
Badfic qualifications: Bad formatting, pepperjack cheese, deficiency of paragraph breaks, OOCness, mild Sueage (thus far, that is; it could get worse), hosted on FFN
User's summary: Ginny isn't a little girl any more, but neither is Harry a small boy... They are teenagers and take what they can from it.
Comments: The summary didn't scare me off, so I thought I'd give it a chance in the off chance it was good. That was a mistake.
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: Sweet Home Alabama-Lynyrd Skynyrd

(5 comments | Leave a comment)

March 7th, 2004

10:45 am - Surprised to see me, Mr. Snape?
Title: Cause and Effect, My Love
Author's Name: Madeline Elster
Location: The Dark Arts at FA
URL: Cause and Effect, My Love by Madeline Elster
Genre: Crossover, angst
Badfic qualifications: BAD crossover concept, lack of canon knowledge in both works, fails to grasp concept of secondary work completely, confusing structure,
User's summary: It happened. Someone wrote a Matrix/Harry Potter crossover. There is no *spork*.

You hear that Mr. Potter? That is the sound of inevitability. It is the sound of your death. Goodbye, Mr. Potter.Collapse )


(This is my first post to any badfic community - I hope I've got it right! If not, I'll correct it.)
Current Mood: amusedamused

(5 comments | Leave a comment)

March 6th, 2004

09:47 am
Title: The hopping made prince
Author's Name: PrInCeSs-FrOg
Genre: Romance/humor
Badfic qualifications: OOCness, bad capitalization, bad grammar, OOCness, hosted on FFN
User's summary: Ohhh what have we here....
Comments: No comments necessary.
Chapter 1Collapse )
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: Can't Hurry Love-Phil Collins

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

February 19th, 2004

12:14 am

Mary Sues are NOT love.

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

February 11th, 2004

10:00 pm - Not really a fic post, but I think it's most appropriate here
The scientific names of Mary Sues common to the Harry Potter Fandom

They are not human!

Qanonreipus (canon character's name)
Subspecies: gothus, sparklypous, tootsitrampus, angstius, peperjack (when the Suesist imposes his/her personality on the Sue), lineaus (when the paternity of a canon character is modified suddenly, such as Hermione becomming a pureblood), magicus (squibs/muggles becomming witches/wizards)

Self-insert Sues:
Sparklypous wishus

Sparklypoos (standard):
Sparklypous annoyingus

Transfer Students (non-American):
Sparklypous moblius

Americans (for any reason):
Sparklypous americanus

DADA Teacher Sues:
Sparklypous professorus

Harry's Daughter Sues:
Sparklypous harrius

Dumbledore's Daughter Sues:
Sparklypous albus

Ron/Hermione's Daughter Sues:
Sparklypous sylvus

Harry/Ginny's Daughter Sues:
Sparklypous crushus

Harry/Hermine's Daughter Sues:
Sparklypous cucurbita

Draco/Hermione's Daugher Sues:
Sparklypous contraveritas

Other canon characters' daugher Sues:
Sparklypous daughterius

Long lost twin Sues:
Sparklypous twinus

Angsty Sues:
Bitchiwitchus angstius

Goth Sues:
Bitchiwitchus blackus

Snape's Daughter Sues:
Bitchiwitchus snapeus

Voldemort's Daughter Sues:
Bitchiwitchus voldius

Squib Sues:
Bitchiwitchus squibus

Slutty (Tootsitramp) Sues:
Trampus tootsius

Veela or part-Veela Sues:
Trampus veela

Serenity/Serene/Selena Sues:
Sporkus tranquilus

Biblethumpus slashus

Crossover Sues:
Abominatus vomitus

Thank you.

Edited to add a couple of species that I forgot in the first round. Sorry!

(6 comments | Leave a comment)

03:32 pm
Oooh! Oooh! Me! Me!

Title: 2GETHER 4EVER IN LOVE AT HOGWRATS (spelling and capitalization preserved for sporking)
Author: iluvlisaandsnapeandchadan (WTF?)
Location: FFN
URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1725116
Summary: based on another fic by a BNF see my info for detials a american student goes to wizards school OFC fic NOT A MARY SUE
Qualifications: Hosted at the Pit, an obvious Mary Sue (Species Americanas transferas), the words "NOT A MARY SUE" in the review (we all know what that means: SUE!), 1337 in the title, no grammar, and generally, a pointless piece.
Notes: Why, dear God, why? This person is obviously a teenybopper or something. I hope the author isn't human, but an alien bent on taking over Earth for some reason (hell, let 'em have it and kill me in the process if this is their means of taking over...I surrender!), because if it is, my non-existant faith in humanity will force me to start deducting points from God. And last I heard, The Almighty doesn't take well to that.

There's way too little of it to cut any. I know, I know, it's a violation of TOS, and I beg forgiveness from the Livejournal godsCollapse )

Sorry 'bout that. I had to demand that this thing be brought to justice.

(12 comments | Leave a comment)

12:58 pm
Title:Harry Potter The Tale
Author's Name: Yin-Yang-Mind
Location: FFN
Genre: General
Badfic qualifications: Bad concepts, hosted on FFN.
User's summary: OMG!
Comments: The author is definitely showing his/her age. Whaddya bet s/he's under 13?
EEWWW! GROSS!Collapse )

Has the little kiddie been watching too many R movies?
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Are you happy now?-Michelle Branch

(6 comments | Leave a comment)

January 25th, 2004

02:56 pm
Title: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Popcicles
Author's Name: VeelaGrl9
Location: FFN
Genre: Humor/General
Badfic qualifications: Bad concepts, OOCness, hosted at FFN
User's summary: Harry Potter is starting his 2nd year at Hogwarts, and strange things start to happen when a mystical blue gumdrop named Salem shows up in his bedroom. But what wonders await our 12yo friend? I dunno he ate Salem.
Comments: The just in section wasn't entirely awful. But this screamed of awfulness.
Does this count as plagiarism?Collapse )

All misspellings are the author's.
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: Jack and Diane-John Mellencamp

(8 comments | Leave a comment)

January 23rd, 2004

03:33 pm - apologising!Snape is bad!
Title: Pawn to Queen
Author's Name: Riley
Location: witchfics.org
URL: http://www.witchfics.org/riley/ptq/
Genre: Drama, Angst, UST
Badfic qualifications: Overt feminism, turning Hermione into a Tori Amos wannabe, abandoned fic, male bashing, Mary Sue-ism
User's summary: No Summary that I could find
Comments: The story started out really well with a nice premise, beautiful language, and a fascinating storyline. Then, somewhere along the way, she skews off into Militant Feminist land and never returned. Literally. The story was permanently abandoned. She turned Snape into a grovelling, servile, emotional wreck whilst Hermione became a super witch, or Strega as she put it. Stregas actually do exist, it's a religion in Italy. Anyway, off the subject. Everything was fine until the Stregas. It was almost as bad as the Mage thing from CC's Draco Trilogy.

sampleCollapse )

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

January 20th, 2004

12:58 am
Hello! *waves* I just joined this community, and I suppose I should introduce myself before posting. I'm Adelina, a 25-year-old Harry/Draco shipper. That's all about it *grin*. Oh, and I'm not a native English speaker, so bear with my grammar :). I'm improving!

On with the badfic!

Title: Fallen Angel
Author's Name: Atawalpa
Location: Schnoogle
URL: http://www.schnoogle.com/authorLinks/Atawalpa
Genre: Angst, slash
Badfic qualifications: OOC-ness, bad language, bad characterizations, a Mary-Sue character
Author's summary: There are two types of love. The first is the lovey-dovey cry with happiness type. The second is the fierce, passionate, die-for-you in an instant type which can be more painful than enjoyable. Vampires can only ever experience the second type through their immortal lives and then only with their soul-mate. For Harry, becoming a vampire on his 16th is not his idea of a birthday present. So he runs scared of the damage his awesome powers can inflict. Then he finds Draco, another fallen angel, and the blond introduces him to the Night World and the means to defeat Voldemort. (Rated R for rape, child abuse, language, angst and slash.)
Comments and quotes from the fic:

Harry's so beautiful that it hurtsCollapse )
Current Mood: angryangry

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

January 17th, 2004

07:45 pm
Sorry for the lapse yesterday. I got a bit wrapped up in other things.

But I return today with something really bad.

Title: "Harry Potter, Something Different: Year One"
Author: Smilyfaces1
Location: The Pit
URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1679529
Badfic qualifications: bad spelling, canon torture, and general WTFness.
Comments: Oh dear God. I don't exactly what this person was thinking/smoking/snorting/shooting up/inhaling, but this is just incomprehensible But yet, it isn't 1337 yet, though the spelling makes me think the author isn't 13 at all. I still want one of those on here!

Basically, it's HP, only without the whole "Boy Who Lived" bit. Kinda makes the whole thing pointless. What's the story, then?

This is the entire first chapter, since I couldn't find the worst part...it's all equally badCollapse )

That author's note there...yeah, tomatoes alright! If you know it's bad, DON'T POST IT! It makes you look stupid.
Current Mood: t00by
Current Music: The Goodbye Girl on TV

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

January 15th, 2004

10:46 pm - Wait...I've seen this title before...
Okay, apologies if you're confused. The title actually comes from CC's best HP novel-lenght fic, which as we all know, was thrown out of the Pit due to the fact that it was lifted.

Therefore, I had to report this. I really can't tell what's going on here, but there seems to be something about Durmstrang And Beauxbatons. I might assume possible Sueage.

Title: Draco Dorrmiens (Um...)
Author: FantasyDreamer3001
Location: The Pit
Badfic qualifications: lifted title from a well-known fic, possible future Sueage, suspect writing style
Author's Summary: When four magic schools celebrate their 1000 aniversaire at Hogwarts, Voldemort tries to kill Harry. (Sirius is not dead in this, cause I love him to much!)
Comments: I'm not sure this is going to be bad per se, but this doesn't seem promising. I wish I could explain it, but I'm not sure what the hell is going on yet. There's only one chapter posted yet, so its badness is only potential.

At least it's not CC's DD.Collapse )
Current Mood: cynicalcynical
Current Music: my parents working on finances

(Leave a comment)

January 14th, 2004

12:41 pm - Now here we go!
This one...just gah!

Title: Leshi Potter o0 eww pottyhead my brother? That's exactly what the title is, I swear.
Author: Leshi We all know where this is going, don't we?
Location: FFN
URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1680165
Badfic qualifications: Self-insert Sue, lousy grammar, told in play format, some fangirl Japanese, some netspeak (but not l337, sorry)
Author's Summary: Haha...I get to go to Hogwarts!cool!
Comments: I don't know why people do this. I mean, really. What's the point? I wish I could come up with something snarkier, but just the first chaper of this killed my brain.

The first chapter's fairly short, so I'm just going to put it all inCollapse )
Current Mood: feverish
Current Music: the guy banging on the AC

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

January 13th, 2004

11:25 am - *Grabs his badfic rifle and dog*
Well, the chronic boredom hasn't let up yet. And my friends are all back at school, while I wait another week. So, to spite you, I went to find something nasty.

And I succeded.

Title: The Revelations of Ron
Author: thebratprincelestat
Location: Ye Olde Pit of Voles (where else)
URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1684546
Badfic qualifications: Qanonreip, introduction of Jesus, choppy dialogue, and of course, hosting it at The Pit.
Author's summary: JESUS: Coming soon to a Hogwarts near you
Comments: When I saw "Jesus" in the comments, I just had to click. Nothing that references the Good Lord in the summary section can possibly be good. Especially when it's at Hogwarts, and His name is put up there like some movie title.

So get this: Ron is the Second Coming of Jesus.

And how does he find this out? The little voices in his head tell him. Listen to your own advice when it comes to those voices, buddy, and get your little red head down to Madam Pomfery. Now.

At least the author's heard of paragraph breaks and spelling. I was hoping to find a 13375P33K fic for ya'.

Wait...I'm Jesus?Collapse )
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: Politik--Coldplay

(10 comments | Leave a comment)

January 12th, 2004

04:50 pm - So, I'm that bored.
A travesty of what everybody knows is the pairing of my choice.

Title: "There Goes My Life" Yeah, that's what I'm thinking right about now.
Author: chochang1234 So you're a teary-eyed whore, eh?
Location: The Ninth Circle of Hell
URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1683737
Badfic qualifications: Songfic, bad idea, MS issues, you get it.
Summary: Harry and Hermione have a child while still at school..based on song, RR!
Comments: First things first: I love my Pumpkinsex a little too much. However, still at Hogwarts!Pumpkinsex...that's just WRONG. Admittedly, I wrote it because somebody once wanted me to, (and I'm suprised that nobody's brought it here yet...considering the squick value of the fic) though there was no on-screen intercourse. Just Hermione/Harry's foot and Harry/Hermione's mouth, in the Great Hall, at lunch. So yeah, I guess I've committed this sin too. But the way it's handled...just gah. No fluffy teen pregnancy, please.

At least the angsty part at the beginning is appropriate. However, I've seen the idea of H/Hr as teen parents done much better. As in, without the songfic, and with some time to deal with it. But when do either of them have time to go making babies? Don't they have a Voldemort to defeat or something?

And what's the deal with all of this Muggle stuff? Abercrombie? Muggle college? Why?

My God! It's a Pumpkinlet-Sue!Collapse )

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

04:30 pm - I know it's been a while since I've been around here, but I felt it was time...
Ah, good to know this place is going well. It's not quite a badfic of the day thing, but yet, it's still amusing.

So, after a long drought, I've decided to take my dog out for a bit of a badfic hunt. Off to the Pit of Voles we go!

And so, today's badfic.

Title: Harry Potter meets Peter Pan
Culprit: Nikita Snape (what is it with people in this fandom taking names after canon characters, anyway?)
Location: What other place in the known universe (or internet) takes this crap?
URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1677946
Genre: Crossover
Badfic qualifications: It's a crossover, people! When will they ever get the picture that crossovers are just plain bad ideas? I mean, even Lori Summers, the Goddess of HP fanfiction couldn't pull it off well. What makes you think you can?
Summary: Well, the title fits. Part 3 is up. Plz don't give any suggestions away in your reviews; just wait and see what happens.
Comments: Honestly, it's not as bad as it could be, but that still doesn't discount the whole "bad idea" bit. I mean, who at Hogwarts would be suprised to find a boy mid-air? Or a fairy? From what I can tell, these are easily explainable in that world.

But he's in midair! People can't do that, even with somebody on the ground with a <i>leviosa</i> spell!Collapse )

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

January 10th, 2004

10:34 am
Title: Harry Potter and the Animal Regurgitation Parade
Author's Name: Fawkes-basilisk
Location: FFN

Genre :Action/Adventure/Tragedy
Badfic qualifications: OOCness, bad concepts, hosted at FFN
User's summary: Harry eats hedwig, Hermiones a pureblood, draco crys and goyle is an icubated baby..hmm read it to find out.
O_oCollapse )
Current Music: Go your own way-Fleetwood Mac

(Leave a comment)

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