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January 23rd, 2007

pica_scribit

02:51 am - M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. Must Die! (Parts One & Two) I don't know if this is allowed, but if not please feel free to delete this. I didn't see any rule specifically prohibiting it. All the badfic I've been reading lately has inspired me to write a parody including as many of the usual cliches as I can jam into it. I hope this gives you a giggle. Maybe if I post it on FF.net, it will inform some poor little Suethor how not to write. Title: M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. Must Die! (parts one & two of four) Author: pica_scribit Rating: PG for allusion to sex and some language Warnings: Chatspeak, anachronism, abusive punctuation, broken dress code, nauseating descriptions, gratuitous misspelling of "Voldemort", painful exposition, excessive magical ability, Sorting Hat's 'Sue song Word Count: 3671 (so far) Genre: Crackfic, Fandom parody Characters: Maggie Lewis (OC), Madeleine Yaxley (OC), Louisa (OC), Marvola Elfynchyld (OC), Hagrid, McGonagall, Remus, Sirius, James, Peter Pairing(s): Remus/OC, Remus/'Sue OC, Peter/OC Synopsis: A new girl arrives at Hogwarts. She's perfect. She's beautiful. She has curves in all the right places. Everyone loves her. Everyone except Madeleine and Maggie, that is. Timeline: 1974 Disclaimer: I am not J. K. Rowling. I own nothing. Don't sue me, please. Author's Note: Feedback is my drug of choice. Please let me know if this gave you a giggle. As usual, please report any errors or inconsistencies. This story is dedicated to babb_chronicles and all its giggle-inducing, inspirational badfic quotations. (Perfectly Pointless Prologue) (optional) (Marvola) Current Location: Lancaster, OH Current Mood: geeky

May 31st, 2006

viralmemory

03:44 pm - Holy Effing Crap... I'll admit it, I'm new to LJ, new to this board, and new to the idea that FF.net is crap; I've read more than a few awesome fics there. Now I realize that I was automatically filtering past shite like this li'l gem... Title: Loving you is so hard Author: crazywierdlilfreak Located: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2311828/1/ Descrip: "Hi this is my first ever fanfic so I hope you like it! Its about the Maruders and how they fall in love and there lifes at Hogwarts and maybe after Hogwarts. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Many laughs and arguements on the way! :D" I can only hope and pray that they're joking, but it turns out that there are ten, count 'em, TEN chapters of this thing. I couldn't make it past ch. 1 today, because I made the mistake of reading the reviews. Almost nothing but praise for an 'intristing' story, and the one bit of feedback that actually criticizes is loaded with spelling and punctuation errors. Here's bits of Chapter 1: Ok Everyone this is my first fanfic and I hope you all like it! It follows all of the marauders Now that it's spelled right, there's no excuses...and please review after you have read it. Chapter one DIAGON ALLEY! Far too liberal with the caps lock ( Read more... ) Current Location: Florida Current Mood: working Current Music: Nothing

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May 23rd, 2006

heartnomar5

11:42 pm - Murlders? Posoltong? Death Easter? BELLATRICKS? ... Crookshanks, I don't think we're in canon anymore. My first thought upon reading this fic was LOL ENGRISH. Then I read the author's profile: I am 16 years in liven the mid -west. I love almost any kind of gender from romance to action pack. Harry Potter to CSI. From books to cartoons. I try to keep all the character i write about from comming Mary Su. That's right, folks, they're American. I weep for my country. Title: Phoenix ranger Author's Name: tiggerrule Location: El Pit URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2950469/1/ Genre: Drama/unintentional humor Badfic qualifications: "creative" spelling, grammar from hell, Mary Sueism, hosting it at fanfiction.net. User's summary: Have you wonder if two out of the four murlders had children. This is a story about how they grow up. HPGW, RW,HG later on around year 4 or 5.POA AU. Comments: Eh... sorry? ( Read more... ) x-posted to deleterius

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February 23rd, 2006

aquilus_luna

04:38 pm - newbie Title: Ice Cream for Harry Author's Name: Sasha1215 Location: The hell hole that is fanfiction.net *hides because I have fics there too* XP URL: BUGAWUGAMUGA Genre: Humor/Parody/Ice Cream *wadefak?* Badfic Qualifications: OOCness, strange plot, and as I said, hosted in the hell hole (FFN)... User's Summary: Harry and Voldemort face off for the Last Battle, but with Voldemort's new secret weapon, it may not go exactly as planned. Comments:  Thank GOD it was only a drabble. ( Read more... )

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August 27th, 2005

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July 13th, 2005

tomiko_the_muse

03:12 am - It's Time For Some More Crap Title: Ron Harry & The Robe Author's Name: Trickdaddy Location: The Hellhole [ff.net, again] URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2481998/1/ Genre (Drama, angst, humor, fluff, smut, etc.): Humor, but I wasn't laughing. Badfic qualifications (SPAG, line breaks, lack of canon knowldege, Mary Sueism, Talent Competitions, purple prose, OOCness, bad concepts, hosting it at fanfiction.net, etc.): bad concept, no grammar, seems to lack cannon, [a mall, I say!], in script form, and hosted at ff.net User's summary: Ron Rippes Hermione's 23,000 doller robr that her mom work hard for and Harry its some how in the middel. Comments: I'm speechless. I just can't understand what sort of twisted mind thinks that they'd like to write a pointless fic about characters they [probably] hardly know about. This person might have problems with writing, but if you want to attempt to write, write something that isn't stupid, thank you.. ( The story, or lack thereof ) Current Mood: witty and snarky

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July 8th, 2005

heartnomar5

02:58 pm - Oh my god, this is just... *boggles* Title: The Hogwarts Ho Author: Pink-puma2 Location: ff.net URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2474829/1/ Category: Smut Badfic qualifications: The title, and it only gets worse from there. Features the line "There she took hold of his penis and putted in her mouth." And, oh yeah, it's... Hermione/Voldemort. User's summary: none Comments: Nothing's more romantic than watching the sunrise with Voldy. Nope. Edit: Think I figured out the lj cut, it just didn't work in the preview. D'oh. ( Read more... ) Current Mood: indescribable

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July 2nd, 2005

emsy

01:07 pm - Yipes Title WART-HOG MANIC (yes, capslock and all) Author's Name 1madcat Location Good ol' ff.net URL http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2465260/1/ Genre (Drama, angst, humor, fluff, smut, etc.) Um..just plain awfulness? Apparently it's Humor/Action/Adventure. Badfic qualifications (SPAG, line breaks, lack of canon knowledge, Mary Sueism, Talent Competitions, purple prose, OOCness, bad concepts, hosting it at fanfiction.net, etc.) Inability to spell generally, inability to spell the name of one of the major characters, General hatred of punctuation. User's summary 'Victor Krum arrives at Hogwarts to teach flying and catches Draco Malfoy performing a vulgar joke on Hermiony and and turns him into an animal gess what! Little do they know that Malfoy has problems of his own which they end up solving.' Says it all really. Comments I don't think this person would know Harry Potter if he came up and bit him on the nose. A sample of the fic behind a cut ( The first chapter, as it's really not that long and there's just too much entertainment to be had. With little inserts from me. ) ( Edited to add... ) Current Mood: amused

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May 18th, 2005

tomiko_the_muse

04:52 pm - I can't think of a subject [blink] [If you don't know me, it's because I'm new. *shifty*] Title: Two Wizards and Six Kids Author's Name: The Dunlevay Triplets Location: FF.net URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1921376/1/ Genre: Drama? Humor? Badfic qualifications: Posted at ff.net, bad AU, and overall stupidity. User's summary: Lily, James,Remus's wife, and Sirius's wife all killed Remus and Sirius are left with six kids Comments: Sirius is dressed as a cunt in this for some odd reason. But this is so terrible, I don't even know why it's still posted. Must also mention wonderful use [or non-use] of Latin. ( Read more... ) Current Mood: meow? Current Music: FF Tactics.

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March 10th, 2005

anonamod

09:38 pm - Birth Control and Social Responsibilty In Fic. Specifically, In Bad Fic. Title: Three of the drabbles are untitled. The fourth is called End of the World Author's Name: Me, the wonderful anonamod Location: My journal URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/anonamod/2917.html Genre: Smut Badfic qualifications: OOCness, bad concepts, breaking the fourth wall a lot, did I mention OOCness? User's summary: Utter waste of time Comments: A/N: I've been thinking a lot about what tomakobriefs had to say, and I've gotta say, those were some very insightful points. Plus, they got me drabbling again! Only in a more socially responsible way. Birth control and social responsibility are SEXY! And cool. Sample of the fic: Here's the Dobby/Winky ficlet in its entirety. It's not about birth control, though. It's about ... LITTERING! Can you handle it? ( Click me! ) Current Mood: gettin down wit my bad self

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February 1st, 2005

liwy	07:05 pm What are some of your favorite badfic parodies? (crossposted to stop_the_badfic)

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December 17th, 2004

twoformirth

09:32 am Title: The Eyes of My Dead Love Author's Name: Hermione at 24 Location: Seventh Circle of Hell (aka fanfiction.net) URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2171897/1/ Genre: Tragedy/Romance Badfic qualifications: Horrible OOCness, stupid idea, poor narrative, purple prose...generally, it's just crap. Really. User's summary: COMPLETE! Snape is plagued by the hint of a memory long since buried. Can the eyes of a young witch bring the heart of this broken wizard back to the world of the living? Please R&R! Rated for mild language, and character death. Comments: This was one of the silliest stories I've read in a while. It started off alright, but around the halfway point (or the Obligitory-and-Clichéd Flashback Scene), the author apparently got bored, because any attempt at writing a convincing and justifiable plot goes right out the window. I guess writing a monstrous 1200 words really took it out of her. The ending, intended to be tragic, was melodramatic, trite and very stupid. I think the biggest problem I have with this story is the inherent shoddiness of it - it's a cheap, quick, very half-assed stab at writing something which really takes a hell of a lot more than 1200 words. Nor does the author appear to be a squeeing 13 year old fangirl, which would be some form of excuse, at least. ( The Eyes of My Dead Love ) Current Mood: unimpressed

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December 11th, 2004

liwy

07:32 pm Title: Across America Author's Name: A-LiA12 Location: FFN Genre: Romance/General Badfic qualifications: lack of canon knowledge, Mary Sueism, OOCness, bad concepts, hosting it at fanfiction.net User's summary: After a bad divorce with Harry, Hermione is a mess. Her friend Ginny gives her tickets to go on a single's tour bus across America. Hermione's surprized when she finds out who her bus partner is. Will it be love? ( Read more... ) Current Music: I want to break free-Queen

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November 30th, 2004

eridanusus

05:46 pm Title: The Third Parent Author's Name: alley-cat-abra Location: FictionAlley/DarkArts URL: http://www.thedarkarts.org/authors/acabra/TPpro.html Genre: Drama, angst Badfic qualifications: OOCness, bad concepts, baaaaaaad writing User's summary: Harry has more than the usual amount of parents, but considering he is dealing with more than the usual amount of emotional pain right now, he really can't care. In between bouts of insanity he's depressed. Can anyone save him? Comments: It started out.. passable. But then it got worse. It made me go o.O and now I have one eye smaller then the other and I look funny and I'll never get a girlfriend and it's all this fic's fault!! ( Harry gets a letter from his... mother? ) ( some in-depth characterisation here ) ( and a great chapter ending, too ) Current Mood: scared Current Music: Oasis: Wonderwall

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October 26th, 2004

liwy

12:54 pm I did a search for Parvati-centric fics on the Pit today. These two fics were the top results. Title: The Dating Game Author's Name: Moony Girl Genre: Humor Badfic qualifications: SPAG, OOCness, bad concepts, hosting it at fanfiction.net User's summary: Hermione, Cho, Parvati, Ginny, and Colin compete for a day out with Harry Potter in a Survivor style show! It's PG cuz it can get a little rude and violent. This is my first fanfic, so don't flame me...please R/R! ( Read more... ) And another one... Title: The Jerry Springer Show Author's Name: Morag X. Henegev Location: FFN Genre: Humor Badfic qualifications: OOCness, bad concepts, hosting it at fanfiction.net User's summary: 4th PART UP! 'When Daughters Get Bad', with Parvati and Padma doing rather unethical job, and Lucius Malfoy as their pimp (with Pimp Cane) r/r ( Read more... ) Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Lady Madonna

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October 3rd, 2004

liwy

04:09 pm Title: Gossip Girl Author's Name: Firecracker-starlett Location: FFN Genre:Romance/Humor Badfic qualifications: bad concepts, lack of canon knowledge, potential sueage User's summary: Welcome to London's upscale side, namely Godric's Hollow, where my friends and I live fabulously, go to school occasionally, and play- constantly. We're rich, beautiful, and perfect. It's a luxe life, but someone's got to live it. (  'Chapter' 1 ) Current Mood: cranky Current Music: Cats soundtrack

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September 22nd, 2004

liwy

07:23 pm Title: Its better this way Author's Name: LostEmeraldFire Location: FFN Genre: (Drama, angst, humor, fluff, smut, etc.) Badfic qualifications: Mary Sueism, purple prose, OOCness, bad concepts, wangst) User's summary: Its a poem about Remus and a nameless love(fangirls just picture yourself!)and how he doesn't want to drag her down with him. Comments: This one was definitely ripe for the picking. ( The wangsty poem in its entirety ) Current Mood: vaguely headachey Current Music: Uninvited-Alanis Morissette

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August 20th, 2004

closingtime101

04:19 pm - Fate Title: Fate Author's Name: OMG! U killed Kenny! Location: URL: Fate Genre: I suppose Drama Badfic qualifications: SPAG, Mary Sueism, bad concepts, hosting it at fanfiction.net User's summary: Hermione and Draco are the Heads. They are the smartest witch and wizard in their year their fate is to be Head boy and Head girl but they just can’t get along. Their first assignment was not to insult each other and only call each other by their first names. Well that didn’t work out... Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Snape have a plan.Will it work out? Will Draco and Hermione find out why they are being TOO nice to eachother? Will friendship blossom or even better romance? And if Romance does blossom will it last? Read and Find out. I TOTALLY SUCK AT SUMMARIES!!! Comments: Right. Draco and Hermione are worst enemies with the most sexual tension, so naturally they get picked for Head Girl and Head Boy. They must share a common room with bedrooms next to eachother. At the beginning of the story, Ginny tells Hermione Ron loves her, so they kiss and suddenly they are going out. (I was lost too) Then, during a Potions lesson, Snape decides 'he must make Draco sit with Hermione'. There is a lot of Mudblooding going on, and I didn't even finish it. ( The angst! )

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August 13th, 2004

liwy	10:53 am Don't feel like bothering with the template right now, but this is just plain bad. Current Mood: annoyed

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August 9th, 2004

liwy

10:00 am Title: Fiorenza Malfoy Author's Name: Clarissa Melissa Granger Genre: Angst/Action/Adventure Badfic qualifications: Bad concepts, Mary Sueism User's summary: Fiorenza Malfoy is a cousin of Draco Malfoy. What would happen when she joined Hogwarts as a transfer student? My First Angst Story! ( Read more... )

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July 17th, 2004

liwy

05:39 pm Title: Like Duh! I'm the Like Hogwarts Whore! Author's Name: Nightxfallen Location: FFN Genre: Humor/Romance Badfic qualifications: OOCness User's summary: Hermione is always clueless, Ron can't recognize his own friend, and Draco is scared of Hermione. What is going on? Comments: The title caught my attention. And it was as bad as I thought it would be. ( Read more... ) Current Mood: hoping that this is a parody

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July 8th, 2004

liwy	04:25 pm This sort of thing is extremely discouraging. (Crossposted to potterbadfic and fanficrants Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Dreams-Fleetwood Mac

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June 27th, 2004

accio_harry

03:50 pm Heh I'm posting my own story at this site. (If you can call it a story.) How sad is that? So you can see how much I despise it... This must be my worst harry potter fanfic ever. So.. read it and comment :) Title: Draco's Discovery Author's name: accio_harry Location: Livejournal URL: http://www.livejournal.com/users/accio_harry/646.html#cutid1 Genre: Smut Badfic qualifications: Fast, disjointed, and plain dumb. User's summary: Draco has always gone after what Harry has. This time it's a girl. What will he discover? Comments: Well, uh.. this is my own story... So maybe you guys should comment. ( Draco's Dicovery ) Current Mood: dorky

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June 25th, 2004

liwy	03:51 pm I'm in a rush and don't have time for a full report, but this caught my eye. It exists on the border between amusing and stupid. Current Mood: blah Current Music: Rich Mullins

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June 18th, 2004

sillyriddles

12:14 pm Title: Loving Luna Author's Name: M.Dionysa Location: fanfiction.net URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1906234 Genre: Romance Badfic qualifications: Bad spacing, OOCness, Mary Sues, bad writing, bad characterization (which I guess would normally fall under OOCness, but this girl is trying to portray Luna, who is hard to portray, and is doing it ALL wrong). User's summary: OMG! Ron and LUna! What could happen? Also, Harry and an OC of my own! Fluffy Crazyness! Look inside! PLZ R&R! Comments: Ugh. Look at the summary. This fic is horrid. It makes me laugh and wonder how these people can really be serious. This line really got me cracking up. “You know Ron, I heard that the Liverpool Moon Man got married to the Wolf Woman and had that fish baby, maybe it’s something that we should be on the lookout for” “Oh, Luna! You should stop thinking about crazy news stories I love you!” Thats just trying to make Luna weird but doing it all wrong. And its just...stupid. A sample of the fic behind a cut: ( Beware of Mary Sue ) Current Mood: sick

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June 16th, 2004

clyan_bunnies

11:03 am - Gag. Someone take this one out in the backyard and shoot it, please. http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1912783 The story? "Love For Another" The offender? littlediva16 The story recieved two reviews, and both of the idiots liked it. This is just plain miserable. Bloody hell. The pairing in the story is Ginny/Remus. And she has Remus return as the DADA teacher. What a stupid thing to write. A teacher/student relationship, people. Also, why would he be hired again for that position? He left last time because he is a werewolf, and it was explained in the canon that there is quite a bit of hostility toward werewolves. I don't see how she can restore his job if she's going by the canon, unless she explains later that he was cured of his condition. And how corny would that be to write? That's enough for me to be pissed off though, by the pairing alone. And then I read it. It goes pretty much downhill from there. Someone needs to put these people in their places. Current Mood: nauseated Current Music: Mizerable - Gackt

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June 14th, 2004

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May 20th, 2004

liwy

09:53 am Title: I Met Cho Author's Name: Klaus Baudelaire Location: FFN Genre :Romance/Action/Adventure Badfic qualifications :Gary Stu, poor grammar, hosted at the Pit. User's summary: This is me, at Hogwarts, i meet Cho Chang, and steal her from Harry! HAHAHA! you know she went with mike corner, WRONG, HAHHAHAHAHAHA! Comments: Different, sort of-yet annoyingly similar to hundreds of other badfics on the Pit. ( From the second chapter ) Current Mood: weird Current Music: Fortunate Son-CCR

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May 4th, 2004

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May 1st, 2004

liwy

09:54 am Title: The Sorceresses Circle: the power within Author's Name: Samara-Morgan-101 Location: FFN Genre: Drama/Supernatural Badfic qualifications: User's summary: Carlie Black, Jess Mcairn, Nathan Tucker and Lyndsay Gareth are the heirs to the Sorceresses Circle. While 2 are muggles and 2 purebloods, they will created a magic bond older than time itself. PLEASE READ! I REALLY NEED REVIEWERS! FLAMES WELCOME! ( Part of chapter 1 ) And when I looked, I found that this one was the second part of a series. *headdesk* Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Fleetwood Mac

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April 27th, 2004

declivitous

06:04 pm - A real gem. Title: Harry Potter and the Unknown Book Author's Name: grey100 Location: FFNet. URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1837791 Genre: General/Humor, lists grey100. However, the small hope that this is simply an exceedingly convincing parody of badfic is feeble. See sample for details. Badfic qualifications: Author has evidently never been exposed to proper grammar or spelling. The opening chapter is dreadfully short and lacks line breaks among many other nitpicks, too countless in number to list. Story fails to deliver comprehension to the reader. Also, excessive use of exclamation points and question marks make characters seem like spazzes. User's summary: I hope you like it Comments: I hope it's a joke. Sample The Whole Fic: ( Shullup!!!!!!! )

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April 26th, 2004

liwy	10:28 am Title: Hogwarts Karaoke Author's Name: Goldfish r yummy Location: FFN Genre: General Badfic qualifications: Karaoke and more. User's summary: Hogwarts has a karaoke night plz. RR Sample omitted-I couldn't decide between each of the seven awful installments. Current Mood: sleepy

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April 12th, 2004

___starxkilled

08:40 pm - !!! Title Taking the Piss Author's Name: Lana and Swifty Location: FFN URL: here Genre: Romance/Humor/Smut Badfic qualifications: Hermione's becomes a slut. Enough said. User's summary: “I’ve been having dreams about you Hermione, really bad dreams.” “How do you mean?” she asked. “Are you sure you want to comprehend amigo?” Comments: For some odd reason, I found this fiction quite funny. I'm a sucker for stuff like this. Especially the fact that they place someone who has morals and make her into the school slut. ( Draco's dad got implants. ) Current Mood: amused Current Music: pretty lush - glassjaw

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March 14th, 2004

liwy

01:01 pm Title: Dancing Queen Author's Name: Zusserdiz Location: FFN Genre: Romance Badfic qualifications: Bad formatting, pepperjack cheese, deficiency of paragraph breaks, OOCness, mild Sueage (thus far, that is; it could get worse), hosted on FFN User's summary: Ginny isn't a little girl any more, but neither is Harry a small boy... They are teenagers and take what they can from it. Comments: The summary didn't scare me off, so I thought I'd give it a chance in the off chance it was good. That was a mistake. ( THE WEASLEYS DO NOT UNDERSTAND ELECTRONICS! GET IT STRAIGHT! ) Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Sweet Home Alabama-Lynyrd Skynyrd

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March 7th, 2004

bloodee_maree

10:45 am - Surprised to see me, Mr. Snape? Title: Cause and Effect, My Love Author's Name: Madeline Elster Location: The Dark Arts at FA URL: Cause and Effect, My Love by Madeline Elster Genre: Crossover, angst Badfic qualifications: BAD crossover concept, lack of canon knowledge in both works, fails to grasp concept of secondary work completely, confusing structure, User's summary: It happened. Someone wrote a Matrix/Harry Potter crossover. There is no *spork*. ( You hear that Mr. Potter? That is the sound of inevitability. It is the sound of your death. Goodbye, Mr. Potter. ) ("MY. NAME. IS. HARRY!") (This is my first post to any badfic community - I hope I've got it right! If not, I'll correct it.) Current Mood: amused

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March 6th, 2004

liwy

09:47 am Title: The hopping made prince Author's Name: PrInCeSs-FrOg Genre: Romance/humor Badfic qualifications: OOCness, bad capitalization, bad grammar, OOCness, hosted on FFN User's summary: Ohhh what have we here.... Comments: No comments necessary. ( Chapter 1 ) Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Can't Hurry Love-Phil Collins

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February 19th, 2004

photosinensis

12:14 am Mary Sues are NOT love.

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February 11th, 2004

photosinensis

10:00 pm - Not really a fic post, but I think it's most appropriate here The scientific names of Mary Sues common to the Harry Potter Fandom They are not human! Canon-sues: Qanonreipus (canon character's name) Subspecies: gothus, sparklypous, tootsitrampus, angstius, peperjack (when the Suesist imposes his/her personality on the Sue), lineaus (when the paternity of a canon character is modified suddenly, such as Hermione becomming a pureblood), magicus (squibs/muggles becomming witches/wizards) Self-insert Sues: Sparklypous wishus Sparklypoos (standard): Sparklypous annoyingus Transfer Students (non-American): Sparklypous moblius Americans (for any reason): Sparklypous americanus DADA Teacher Sues: Sparklypous professorus Harry's Daughter Sues: Sparklypous harrius Dumbledore's Daughter Sues: Sparklypous albus Ron/Hermione's Daughter Sues: Sparklypous sylvus Harry/Ginny's Daughter Sues: Sparklypous crushus Harry/Hermine's Daughter Sues: Sparklypous cucurbita Draco/Hermione's Daugher Sues: Sparklypous contraveritas Other canon characters' daugher Sues: Sparklypous daughterius Long lost twin Sues: Sparklypous twinus Angsty Sues: Bitchiwitchus angstius Goth Sues: Bitchiwitchus blackus Snape's Daughter Sues: Bitchiwitchus snapeus Voldemort's Daughter Sues: Bitchiwitchus voldius Squib Sues: Bitchiwitchus squibus Slutty (Tootsitramp) Sues: Trampus tootsius Veela or part-Veela Sues: Trampus veela Serenity/Serene/Selena Sues: Sporkus tranquilus Gender-benders: Biblethumpus slashus Crossover Sues: Abominatus vomitus Thank you. Edited to add a couple of species that I forgot in the first round. Sorry!

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photosinensis

03:32 pm Oooh! Oooh! Me! Me! Title: 2GETHER 4EVER IN LOVE AT HOGWRATS (spelling and capitalization preserved for sporking) Author: iluvlisaandsnapeandchadan (WTF?) Location: FFN URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1725116 Summary: based on another fic by a BNF see my info for detials a american student goes to wizards school OFC fic NOT A MARY SUE Qualifications: Hosted at the Pit, an obvious Mary Sue (Species Americanas transferas), the words "NOT A MARY SUE" in the review (we all know what that means: SUE!), 1337 in the title, no grammar, and generally, a pointless piece. Notes: Why, dear God, why? This person is obviously a teenybopper or something. I hope the author isn't human, but an alien bent on taking over Earth for some reason (hell, let 'em have it and kill me in the process if this is their means of taking over...I surrender!), because if it is, my non-existant faith in humanity will force me to start deducting points from God. And last I heard, The Almighty doesn't take well to that. ( There's way too little of it to cut any. I know, I know, it's a violation of TOS, and I beg forgiveness from the Livejournal gods ) Sorry 'bout that. I had to demand that this thing be brought to justice.

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liwy

12:58 pm Title:Harry Potter The Tale Author's Name: Yin-Yang-Mind Location: FFN Genre: General Badfic qualifications: Bad concepts, hosted on FFN. User's summary: OMG! Comments: The author is definitely showing his/her age. Whaddya bet s/he's under 13? ( EEWWW! GROSS! ) Has the little kiddie been watching too many R movies? Current Mood: amused Current Music: Are you happy now?-Michelle Branch

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January 30th, 2004

dorknessrising

02:02 pm - Legendary Badfic? Title: Kenna Blackstock and the Book of Slytherin (I, II, III, IV, and V) Author's Name: K. Lo Location: Bardlands Fanfiction Archive URL: Her Profile. Easier than hunting down each separate fic Genre (Drama, angst, humor, fluff, smut, etc.): Smut. It tried to be drama, though Badfic qualifications: Mary Sueism and lots of OOC smut User's summary: Book 1: The Muggle Studies teacher's life is turned upside down upon discovery of an ancient text. An epic adventure. *COMPLETE* Book 2: Haunted by her past, terrified about the future, Kenna undertakes a journey that leads her to Bathory Manor. *COMPLETE* Book 3: Residual effects of a hex leaves Kenna with a few problems. Alone, she must seek help in finding a solution. *COMPLETE* Book 4: Kenna accepts her past, challenged for her future and learns to function in the wizarding world. *COMPLETE* Book 5: Frustrated with the havoc in her life by the magic world, Kenna takes matters into her own hands. *COMPLETE* Comments: I used to like this fic. I really did. But now, I utterly loathe it. For its blatant Mary Sue, sorry excuse for a gen plot, and substituting smut for characterization. Kenna is a thoroughly irritating character, blaming all of her trouble on others. But because she's the poor Muggle outsider, we're somehow supposed to excuse all of her actions and side with her when Snape is his mean Muggle-hating self. The aforementioned gen plot involves what is supposed to be an ancient and powerful text penned by Salazar himself, dubbed the "Book of Slytherin" (which is conveniently sitting in the restricted library where any stealthy-enough fool can get their hands on it). The summary lies. This is not an epic adventure, but the smutty fantasy of a bored housewife. The Book of Slytherin itself is all but forgotten by the end of the first installment, in favor of three people (Severus and two other OCs) trying to get into Kenna's pants. The second installment half picks-up from the first. Kenna runs off to America, pregnant with hers and Snape's child, meets Bill and Charlie Weasley, and steals the heart of the former. Snape chases her down out of sexual frustration and claims he needs to keep her safe from Rafe Ravisies (an OC from book 1 who, being a relative of Voldemort, somehow managed to slip under Dumbledore's radar as a DADA teacher). They screw. A lot. She eventually ends up at the house of the vampire-cursed Narcissus Bathory, brother of -- you guessed it -- Narcissa Malfoy (though to the author's credit, this was written before OotP). Snape and Narcissus "kill" Rafe (in a horribly written fight scene), who somehow manages to possess Narcissus. Kenna has the baby, it's given to a wizarding family for adoption. Oh the angst! The third "book" (the chapters are criminally short) involves Kenna running back to the Muggle world from t3h 4ng5t of giving up her baby, but discovering she now has 1337 w!z4rd p0w3rz because she bore a magical child (although this doesn't happen to Hermione's parents -- because Kenna is speshul). She meets up with Bill again -- in America -- and proceeds to almost screw him on many occasions. Bill gets the bright idea to bring her to his parents' house, where terribly OOC Muggle-prejudiced Molly suggests shipping her off to St. Mungo's (dammit, we were that close). Bill decides to contact Dumbledore and have her enroll in Hogwarts. Kenna is not happy. She shops with Narcissus for witching supplies. "Book 4" takes us to Hogwarts finally. Adjustment problems, mean Snape, and lots of Kenna's bitching and moaning abound. Some guy named Bastian shows up, also wanting in Kenna's pants. Turns out he's an 31337 D34th E4t3r with m4d ski11z, and *gasp* working with Rafe-possessed Narcissus! OMGWTFBBQ!!!11one! Rafe is defeated of course, and Kenna makes up with Snape over the baby incident. "Book 5" is just plain confusing as all hell. There's some crazy time-travel business with Bastian that I don't even understand, and knowing the author personally, I doubt she understands it either. The Book of Slytherin is mysteriously remembered, and it trails off into a train-wreck of a gen plot that I won't even try to explain. The writing isn't really bad, but it has some of the worst stilted dialogue I've ever seen and a "plot" that trips over itself because the author is too preoccupied with smut and angst. If she wanted to write smut and angst, she should've stuck with smut and angst. Not insulted the intelligence of readers with really bad gen plots. Not to mention everyone being in animal lust with Kenna. Especially the quiet and reserved individuals like Snape and Bill Weasley. It's just...God, what did I ever see in this fic? ( A sample of the fic behind a cut ) *stabs self for ever having faith in this story* Current Mood: angry Current Music: Phantom of the Opera -- "Down Once More"

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January 25th, 2004

liwy

02:56 pm Title: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Popcicles Author's Name: VeelaGrl9 Location: FFN Genre: Humor/General Badfic qualifications: Bad concepts, OOCness, hosted at FFN User's summary: Harry Potter is starting his 2nd year at Hogwarts, and strange things start to happen when a mystical blue gumdrop named Salem shows up in his bedroom. But what wonders await our 12yo friend? I dunno he ate Salem. Comments: The just in section wasn't entirely awful. But this screamed of awfulness. ( Does this count as plagiarism? ) All misspellings are the author's. Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Jack and Diane-John Mellencamp

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January 23rd, 2004

singtoangels

03:33 pm - apologising!Snape is bad! Title: Pawn to Queen Author's Name: Riley Location: witchfics.org URL: http://www.witchfics.org/riley/ptq/ Genre: Drama, Angst, UST Badfic qualifications: Overt feminism, turning Hermione into a Tori Amos wannabe, abandoned fic, male bashing, Mary Sue-ism User's summary: No Summary that I could find Comments: The story started out really well with a nice premise, beautiful language, and a fascinating storyline. Then, somewhere along the way, she skews off into Militant Feminist land and never returned. Literally. The story was permanently abandoned. She turned Snape into a grovelling, servile, emotional wreck whilst Hermione became a super witch, or Strega as she put it. Stregas actually do exist, it's a religion in Italy. Anyway, off the subject. Everything was fine until the Stregas. It was almost as bad as the Mage thing from CC's Draco Trilogy. ( sample )

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January 20th, 2004

ackonrad

12:58 am Hello! *waves* I just joined this community, and I suppose I should introduce myself before posting. I'm Adelina, a 25-year-old Harry/Draco shipper. That's all about it *grin*. Oh, and I'm not a native English speaker, so bear with my grammar :). I'm improving! On with the badfic! Title: Fallen Angel Author's Name: Atawalpa Location: Schnoogle URL: http://www.schnoogle.com/authorLinks/Atawalpa Genre: Angst, slash Badfic qualifications: OOC-ness, bad language, bad characterizations, a Mary-Sue character Author's summary: There are two types of love. The first is the lovey-dovey cry with happiness type. The second is the fierce, passionate, die-for-you in an instant type which can be more painful than enjoyable. Vampires can only ever experience the second type through their immortal lives and then only with their soul-mate. For Harry, becoming a vampire on his 16th is not his idea of a birthday present. So he runs scared of the damage his awesome powers can inflict. Then he finds Draco, another fallen angel, and the blond introduces him to the Night World and the means to defeat Voldemort. (Rated R for rape, child abuse, language, angst and slash.) Comments and quotes from the fic: ( Harry's so beautiful that it hurts ) Current Mood: angry

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January 17th, 2004

photosinensis

07:45 pm Sorry for the lapse yesterday. I got a bit wrapped up in other things. But I return today with something really bad. Title: "Harry Potter, Something Different: Year One" Author: Smilyfaces1 Location: The Pit URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1679529 Badfic qualifications: bad spelling, canon torture, and general WTFness. Author's summary: HOW WOULD HARRYS LIFE HAVE BEEN, JAMES HAD KILLED VOLDEMORD IN THE STRUGGLE WHEN VOLDEMORD CAME TO THEM, THE MERAUDERS WERE ALL STILL ALIVE AND INOCENT, (sept for Peter, grr, gotta hate him *scowls for a sec but then turns happy agian*) HARRY WAS STILL FAMOUSE (cuz of his dad i guess), AND HE WAS RICH, KNEW ABOUT MAGIC, AND HOW HIS SCHOOL DAYS GO AND ALL! yay!!! Comments: Oh dear God. I don't exactly what this person was thinking/smoking/snorting/shooting up/inhaling, but this is just incomprehensible But yet, it isn't 1337 yet, though the spelling makes me think the author isn't 13 at all. I still want one of those on here! Basically, it's HP, only without the whole "Boy Who Lived" bit. Kinda makes the whole thing pointless. What's the story, then? ( This is the entire first chapter, since I couldn't find the worst part...it's all equally bad ) That author's note there...yeah, tomatoes alright! If you know it's bad, DON'T POST IT! It makes you look stupid. Current Mood: t00by Current Music: The Goodbye Girl on TV

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January 15th, 2004

photosinensis

10:46 pm - Wait...I've seen this title before... Okay, apologies if you're confused. The title actually comes from CC's best HP novel-lenght fic, which as we all know, was thrown out of the Pit due to the fact that it was lifted. Therefore, I had to report this. I really can't tell what's going on here, but there seems to be something about Durmstrang And Beauxbatons. I might assume possible Sueage. Title: Draco Dorrmiens (Um...) Author: FantasyDreamer3001 Location: The Pit URL:http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1687510 Badfic qualifications: lifted title from a well-known fic, possible future Sueage, suspect writing style Author's Summary: When four magic schools celebrate their 1000 aniversaire at Hogwarts, Voldemort tries to kill Harry. (Sirius is not dead in this, cause I love him to much!) Comments: I'm not sure this is going to be bad per se, but this doesn't seem promising. I wish I could explain it, but I'm not sure what the hell is going on yet. There's only one chapter posted yet, so its badness is only potential. ( At least it's not CC's DD. ) Current Mood: cynical Current Music: my parents working on finances

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January 14th, 2004

photosinensis

12:41 pm - Now here we go! This one...just gah! Title: Leshi Potter o0 eww pottyhead my brother? That's exactly what the title is, I swear. Author: Leshi We all know where this is going, don't we? Location: FFN URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1680165 Badfic qualifications: Self-insert Sue, lousy grammar, told in play format, some fangirl Japanese, some netspeak (but not l337, sorry) Author's Summary: Haha...I get to go to Hogwarts!cool! Comments: I don't know why people do this. I mean, really. What's the point? I wish I could come up with something snarkier, but just the first chaper of this killed my brain. ( The first chapter's fairly short, so I'm just going to put it all in ) Current Mood: feverish Current Music: the guy banging on the AC

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January 13th, 2004

photosinensis

11:25 am - *Grabs his badfic rifle and dog* Well, the chronic boredom hasn't let up yet. And my friends are all back at school, while I wait another week. So, to spite you, I went to find something nasty. And I succeded. Title: The Revelations of Ron Author: thebratprincelestat Location: Ye Olde Pit of Voles (where else) URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1684546 Badfic qualifications: Qanonreip, introduction of Jesus, choppy dialogue, and of course, hosting it at The Pit. Author's summary: JESUS: Coming soon to a Hogwarts near you Comments: When I saw "Jesus" in the comments, I just had to click. Nothing that references the Good Lord in the summary section can possibly be good. Especially when it's at Hogwarts, and His name is put up there like some movie title. So get this: Ron is the Second Coming of Jesus. And how does he find this out? The little voices in his head tell him. Listen to your own advice when it comes to those voices, buddy, and get your little red head down to Madam Pomfery. Now. At least the author's heard of paragraph breaks and spelling. I was hoping to find a 13375P33K fic for ya'. ( Wait...I'm Jesus? ) Current Mood: bored Current Music: Politik--Coldplay

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January 12th, 2004

photosinensis

04:50 pm - So, I'm that bored. A travesty of what everybody knows is the pairing of my choice. Title: "There Goes My Life" Yeah, that's what I'm thinking right about now. Author: chochang1234 So you're a teary-eyed whore, eh? Location: The Ninth Circle of Hell URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1683737 Badfic qualifications: Songfic, bad idea, MS issues, you get it. Summary: Harry and Hermione have a child while still at school..based on song, RR! Comments: First things first: I love my Pumpkinsex a little too much. However, still at Hogwarts!Pumpkinsex...that's just WRONG. Admittedly, I wrote it because somebody once wanted me to, (and I'm suprised that nobody's brought it here yet...considering the squick value of the fic) though there was no on-screen intercourse. Just Hermione/Harry's foot and Harry/Hermione's mouth, in the Great Hall, at lunch. So yeah, I guess I've committed this sin too. But the way it's handled...just gah. No fluffy teen pregnancy, please. At least the angsty part at the beginning is appropriate. However, I've seen the idea of H/Hr as teen parents done much better. As in, without the songfic, and with some time to deal with it. But when do either of them have time to go making babies? Don't they have a Voldemort to defeat or something? And what's the deal with all of this Muggle stuff? Abercrombie? Muggle college? Why? ( My God! It's a Pumpkinlet-Sue! )

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photosinensis

04:30 pm - I know it's been a while since I've been around here, but I felt it was time... Ah, good to know this place is going well. It's not quite a badfic of the day thing, but yet, it's still amusing. So, after a long drought, I've decided to take my dog out for a bit of a badfic hunt. Off to the Pit of Voles we go! And so, today's badfic. Title: Harry Potter meets Peter Pan Culprit: Nikita Snape (what is it with people in this fandom taking names after canon characters, anyway?) Location: What other place in the known universe (or internet) takes this crap? URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1677946 Genre: Crossover Badfic qualifications: It's a crossover, people! When will they ever get the picture that crossovers are just plain bad ideas? I mean, even Lori Summers, the Goddess of HP fanfiction couldn't pull it off well. What makes you think you can? Summary: Well, the title fits. Part 3 is up. Plz don't give any suggestions away in your reviews; just wait and see what happens. Comments: Honestly, it's not as bad as it could be, but that still doesn't discount the whole "bad idea" bit. I mean, who at Hogwarts would be suprised to find a boy mid-air? Or a fairy? From what I can tell, these are easily explainable in that world. ( But he's in midair! People can't do that, even with somebody on the ground with a <i>leviosa</i> spell! )

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